Scoville Units Unite

02 Mar

March the First Films

Yesterday was a bit of a relaxing day so amongst the things that occupied our time were two movies.


One was Zombies, a cheesy cheapo horror about zombie kids. Or ghosts or something. Pretty boring and plot holes you could drive a bus through. There are kids who were trapped underground, but are now zombies and/or ghosts. Also they are above ground now, and they are undead. They attack people and kill and eat them, but only at night, and only if you are a descendent of the people responsible for them dying, unless you are related to them or also a stranger.

That paragraph was intentionally written in as confusing manner as the plot. The acting was appalling, the dialogue was worse and the characters were as stupid as you expect from a horror, never mind a horror this bad. Also the first proper ghost/zombie attack isn’t until about a third of the way through.

An example of how bad this film is.

Towards the end, the crowd of zombie kids have assembled watching the heroes, as they have done before. Standing in silence. The cliché hick goes (paraphrasing):

There will be no stopping them, not if they are all riled up and I think they are tonight

As they stand there staring and slowly moving towards their target. Slowly moving for dramatic effect, not because they were slow zombies or anything.

I like bad horror. I like cheesy horror. I don’t like bad or cheesy horror that doesn’t acknowledge that it is bad or cheesy.

Utter garbage.

Mona Lisa Smile

After tea we watched Mona Lisa Smile, which was superb. A film set at an all girls college in the 50s has Julia Roberts as Katherine Watson, some kind of liberal subversive putting dangerous thoughts into the womens head such as You don’t have to just be a housewife.

One of my favourite quotes from Katherine Watson was:

I thought I was headed to a place that would turn out tomorrow’s leaders, not their wives!

This was the culmination of frustrating conversations such as the following

Katherine Watson: It says here that you’re pre-law. What law school are you going to go to?
Joan Brandwyn: I hadn’t really thought about that. After I graduate, I plan on getting married.
Katherine Watson: And then?
Joan Brandwyn: [confused] And then… I’ll be married.

Really good film, strong cast, well acted, great dialogue. Such a contrast to Zombies

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